ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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