Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
