And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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