I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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