I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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