Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
