1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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