I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
