I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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