In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I could have mohawked her pubes.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
