girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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