dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Randomize
