if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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