kristin has been a bad kristin
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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