I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
