No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
