you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
