you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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