In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
