is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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