Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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