somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
