i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
