dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
