I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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