Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
