Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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