Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
either way he was missing a nipple.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
