just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
