I just saw a hot homeless man
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
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