he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
i think i just lost a toe
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
