You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
