Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
you win again, gameday.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
