I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
