all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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