My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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