i just google imaged poop.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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