if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
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