well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
