hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I supernannyed him into submission
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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