Your face is a jimmy john
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
