Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
