i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
