I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
