i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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