We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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