I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize