She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
