1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Randomize
