it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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