i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
