My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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